Thursday 14 August 2008

Straight A’s

Results just in

Congratulations to all A level and GCSE students getting their results over the next week. I do think it’s tight to slag them off each year particularly as the rest of us aren’t necessary the sharpest knifes in the draw.
Having wasted half my youth on homework I have a lot of sympathy for the work they have to do and to have it slagged off by some journo who can’t divide a drinks bill by seven seems unfair.

It’s also unfair on teachers who nowadays aren’t like some the monsters who taught us, the days of random physical violence in the hallways, lunchtime in the pub and copping off with VI formers are thankfully long gone (and in some cases illegal).

The only sad thing about exams is that the only person who will ever want to see your certificates is your Gran, mine sit unmoved in their draw from one year the next.

I would however offer a little advice to potential Uni-students (based mainly on visiting a few indie clubnights recently)
Stop drinking red bull
Wear a few more clothes (boys and girls)
Boys learn to dance (no really it’s not “ironic” to jump around like 4 year old if you 19)
Girls try dancing in anyway other than afternoon shift pole dancer

And the only thing I have really learnt in the years since I left college is that “Africa by Toto” is shit and it isn’t a “guilty pleasure” (no pleasure is “guilty”, Oliver Cromwell is long dead) it’s just shit.

People died, took over doses, drank endless cups of tea, learned to play fiddly 12 string guitars, put up with drunk drummers, photocopied fanzines, read Camus, moved to Berlin and had stand up rows with Bruno cocking Brookes so we didn’t have to listen to arseing Toto; so don’t go throwing all this sacrifice away because some ageing “too cool for school” media tosser thought it was a kitsch classic. By all means listen to old music, listen to new music, sit quietly in silence looking at the wall of your dorm room, but whatever you do from now on never ever, ever listen to Toto.

The same goes for that deeper evil Bon Jovi in case you were toying with a battered copy of “Slippery when wet”.

ps: Oh and don’t do any course where they make you study Beowulf......

pps: Hope you like the visual cliché of attractive posh girls (from the beeb’s website) getting their results see every paper and news slot for the next 10 days; ugly poor people don’t do well at school it’s official, I’ll stop ranting soon honest it’s all this rain.

3 comments:

Suzy Norman said...

Great to see you sticking up for the kids and the teachers. When my younger brother got straight As at A Level a few years ago, it made me mad to hear the older generation grumbling. He's as smart as a button. Give the boy some credit (and yes, the teachers too).

Cocktails said...

I don't know how or why journalists think that exams are getting easier. They had a maths paper in the Guardian recently, and who could actually remember any of that stuff to even know if it was more difficult or not? I certainly can't.

Slippery when Wet has some top songs on. 'Living on a Prayer' for one. And no, it's not an ironic guilty pleasure, it's just a pleasure.

Like 'Hold the Line' by Toto is!

BLTP said...

re& c:
I just think what with knife crime etc picking on the kids who actually do their homework is tight really.
as for Toto and *whispers* Bon Jovi i think we'll have to agree to disagree, I drew a line in the sand long ago on those two! ;)